how to stave off loneliness

Reach out to someone. Any time you think of someone, send a text. They don’t even have to respond for me to feel a little less lonely, a little more connected. And then if they do respond, even better.

In the past if I don’t reach out immediately, I won’t do it.

So now when I have a random thought, like I wonder what that guy is up to? Or damn that person lives right where the wild fires are near, I wonder if they are alright. Just drop everything and send them a quick text right in that moment.

It doesn’t have to go anywhere. It doesn’t have to be anything more than a simple back and forth.

I think for me staving off loneliness is done in small bite size pieces a little at a time. And it doesn’t take much for me. I prefer to be alone a lot of the time. So I don’t need a huge party with 100’s of people to feel connected. Some days all I need is a text. Other days I might need a phone call or two. But I won’t be able to call people as easily if I haven’t already laid some ground work by reaching out.

how to make a cool shiny pokemon

Make the color contrasting. Make it different from the original version. Shiny Salgaleo is red instead of white. Shiny Yveltal is white instead of black. Shiny Mewtwo has lime green instead of pink! Awesome!! Love it.

The worst is a shiny that you can’t even tell it’s shiny. Like shiny Blissey, it’s a lighter shade of pink. You can’t even tell.

I think the coolest shinies are ones that you can obviously tell they are shinies. So when you put one in a gym and are trying to flex hard, people can tell.

Shiny Pikachu is darker yellow? Like the color of poorly hydrated urine.

Shiny Togekiss is white? boo.

Here are my favorite shinies:

Fennekin - grey with red ear tufts, very cool.

Kyogre - bright purple instead of blue - awesome

Tauros - lime green ruff and light green body instead of brown - chef’s kiss.

Zekrom is cool, but could be better. The green light flourishes are cool instead of the blue, but there is room for improvement.

Lugia - red body accents - awesome.

Probably my favorite of all is Rayquaza - black body with pink accents. Instead of the green. Super cool.

Apparently, with almost no research on my part the shiny colors were at first programmed and then hand selected after Gen 6. Or they used a dart board. I’m not sure.

How to get out of Bed in the Morning

Bribe yourself.

What’s something you want that you can’t get in bed?

Is it coffee? Is it food? Is it a glass of water? Is it your phone because it’s on the other side of the room hopefully?
Is it your dog that needs to go outside to pee?

Is it a cat who wants to be fed?
Is it a child who needs breakfast?
Is it that your mouth feels gross and needs a toothbrush?
Do you stink and you need a shower?

I can’t get out of bed until the thing I want outweighs the comfort and the desire to keep sleeping.

I try to bribe myself. Usually it’s coffee that does the trick.

how to tell if it’s a snow emergency route

It’ll have a blue background street sign. Which means it will have first priority in plowing.

Green street signs indicates second priority in snow plowing.

In Minneapolis at least.

how to tell if it’s affect or effect

I can never tell, I always seem to forget.

Affect is a Verb (an Action), and Effect is a Noun (an End result). For example, the loud noise will affect (verb) your ears, resulting in a negative effect (noun).

So writing a blog post every day will affect my creative drive to express myself. Which will have an effect on my mental health? Something like that.

The chicken wings affect my tongue with good taste which has an effect on my blood pressure?

The person cutting me off in traffic affects my heart rate which causes a stress effect?

My dog shits on the floor which affects my nose. Cleaning up the shit has an effect on the cleanliness of my house?

I think I get it. This is probably one of those things that you could use either word an only a real strict grammarian will point out when you’re wrong.

how not to get distracted

I just looked at a note I had written down to remind myself to call someone back. So I picked up my phone. Saw a text message, responded to that. Saw another text message come in while I was writing the first one. Read that one, didn’t respond. Then looked over at my first screen and saw my outlook was open and then remembered I needed to write an out-of-office message and then someone walked in that I had to talk to and now I’m just getting back to writing this.

So I think the answer is less screens.

There is something like threshold amnesia or the doorway effect, where walking through a doorway into a new room causes lapse in memory. There has to be that with screens. Especially interactive screens. Especially Especially with phones. There is so much to suck attention on a phone. It’s literally designed to steal your attention. Your attention has been monetized.

I’m getting distracted, talking about getting distracted.

I think when I’m the most successful at getting shit done is when I make a list and I don’t let myself move on to anything else until that task is done. Then I go to the next thing and I don’t let anything else happen until I get that done too. Even if I get momentarily distracted I have to return to that task. The phone becomes the reward when all the tasks are done.

Now to get back to what I was trying to get done in the first place.

how to keep a blog going?

I don’t know. It’s been a minute.

Just keep writing.

Just keep writing.

Just keep writing.

Just keep writing.

Until something clicks. And it takes off and I can’t silence my keyboard. All I can do is write post after post for the end of time.

Or just become okay with droughts. With periods of nothing. Feast or Famine.

So that’s what this is….famine.

how to stop having fomo

Realize it’s all your fault.

I was on a website platform that has pictures that people post of recent activities and other stuff.

All of a suddent inbetween political memes with questionable factual accuracy I spotted an event that looked like fun. An event that I realized I hadn’t been invited to. An event that I was looking forward to. I even had it on my calendar.

So naturally I went through all the stages of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)

Poor me, no one likes me. I never get invited to anything. Who do these people think they are? They think they are so cool, not inviting me. I’m cool. I should have been there.

I’m thankful it didn’t last that long, because I had a weird tickle in my memory. A disturbance in the force. A hold-up moment.

I looked at my email. I didn’t see an invite. I was thinking at this point that I wanted to double check to see if I hadn’t been invited, then I could know for sure that my anger and hurt feelings were justified. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t wrong. So then the hate could really flow. And I could get all revved up. (by the way nothing is more fun to be around than a self-righteously angry martyr type, super great at parties)

Guess what?

Guess who had been invited……….

Yes I had been invited.

Guess who had even RSVP’ed……..

Yes, I had RSVP’ed.

I had even put it on my calendar……

So now what.

Oh deep shame and fuck, goddamit. Now I’m pissed because I was invited. I could have been at that event. I could have been in those pictures.

Now I feel like a piece of shit and I need to make amends.

So the way to not feel FOMO for me in that particular moment was to remember to make more detailed calendar reminders. And to put reminders ahead of the event reminding myself that the event is coming up.

So now for the amends. I am going to buy them a gift and hand-write an apology.

how to stop picking at your scalp

I don’t know. I can’t stop. I have these spots on my scalp that I pick at constantly. When I’m bored. When I’m waiting for something to happen. When I’m talking to someone, and then I realize what I’m doing and I stop trying to pass it off as just itching my head. When I’m on my phone, which is all the time, I’m picking at my scalp.

I have now a couple bare spots that I rotate back and forth through. The skin of course gets irritated and raw. I lay off and the skin starts to heal and then it dries out and gets flaky and then I really get after it.

It’s like a tic. It’s something I find myself doing before I’m aware of it.

Is it defensive?
Is it self-soothing somehow?

I’m not sure. I would like it to stop.

I have tried putting sculpting clay in my hair and then kind of works. But my hair is super short now because I want to be able to cut my own hair so I don’t need sculpting clay anymore. Also sculpting clay in my hair doesn’t work in the winter because I need to be able to wear a hat and I don’t want to get the inside of my hats full of sculpting clay.

I have tried counting on my fingers instead of picking. That worked for a day or two.

I have tried talking to my family and asking them to hold me accountable. But that seems too co-dependent of an ask to put on my family. Also it comes with a shame component. Like they are going to shame me out of doing it?

So that’s where I’m at. I have three to four small balding spots on the top on the crown of my head and one off to the right down lower on the dome.

I used to chew on the insides of my cheeks. Suck the side of my cheek in-between my teeth and pick at the skin inside. Switching back and forth. I don’t do that anymore. So I’ve been able to stop. So that’s good news. I’ll be able to stop picking at my scalp one day. For now it’s just something I do I guess.

Maybe it’s a control thing. Maybe I’m determined to undermine myself before anyone else can do it? Maybe it’s just really satisfying to find something dry and flaky to pick at.

How to keep life interesting

Try to always have something to look forward to.

Make plans in advance. Make plans way in advance. I’m looking at plans for the fall and it’s June. I like looking at my calendar and seeing time set aside way out there in the future for something fun that I can count on happening. Even if it doesn’t happen, I get to spend the next months eagerly anticipating it.

Album releases are a fun thing to look forward to. Luckily Phoebe Bridgers just announced a new album coming out in August.

Upcoming move releases are fun to look forward to. This is what makes previews at the theater so fun.

Tattoo appointments are fun to look forward to. These usually end up being a couple months out. It’s fun to look at the design I want to get and imagine how the artist is going to make it unique.

Taking random days off in the future is another fun thing to do. If you have the PTO just throw a random Friday or Monday off way in advance. When you get to that week and you discover you have that Friday off, it’s super cool. Bonus points if you forget you had taken it off, then it’s even more fun.

I need things to look forward to. When my day sucks or is just boring, I need something to look forward to. That way I can say, well this right now sucks. This moment blows, but at least I have that deer hunting trip coming up in the fall. This has helped me get through so much bullshit and ennui.

I like to take random days off around my kids’ birthdays and do something fun with them. We end up doing pretty much whatever they want those days. So I get that to look forward to in the spring.

I always (higher power wiling) have my sobriety date to look forward to in December. December is already chock full of Christmas to look forward to as well. Sometimes December is too far away though.

Let’s say it’s Tuesday and I’m at work and the weekend is too far away and work is annoying. I can pop open my calendar and look ahead. I get enjoyment both out of looking ahead at future fun things and I also love putting new stuff on the calendar.

How to not get Cold at work, when you work in an office building with unpredictable HVAC

Bring a sweater.

how not to care if someone is always late

I have two choices. I can either text them ahead of time and remind them of our meeting and see if they are on time.

Or I can not do that and show up and wait for them to arrive. But, if I go this route I can’t get super frustrated when they are late. Because I didn’t want to take that extra step and remind them ahead of time. Just because I feel like I shouldn’t have to do that.

So I can go into a situation where there is a predictable outcome that annoys me. Get into that situation and then get annoyed when the predictable thing happened. Who is at fault.

Well both of us. My expectations were off from reality. And the other person was fucking late. So we both have something to work on.

I have tried in the past with this person to schedule meetings 30 minutes early, knowing they will show up late. So I know the actual start time is 10:30, but I put 10:00 on the calendar. Even that feels like more than I should have to do.

So why do I resent having to do more to prevent my own annoyance?

Do I expect the world to meet me where I’m at? Yes, yes I do. Is that too much to ask. It turns out, that yes it is too much to ask. I mean I guess it’s not too much to ask, but then I also can’t get that annoyed. I can get a little annoyed because that’s unavoidable, but I can’t get super annoyed and have it affect my whole day.

I guess there is a third option and I can show up late too. Maybe I’ll do that this time.

Shit, look at the time I better get going or I’m going to be late.

how I try not to care about what others think about me

As cool as I think I am, I try to remember that I’m not for everyone.

Just like how everyone is not for me.

There are plenty of people I don’t like. Do I always know why I don’t like them? Not necessarily. Some people just aren’t for me. So by default I must not be for everyone.

Maybe I remind them of their grade school bully. Or maybe I’m just too cool for them and they are jealous so they hate me.

Someone once told me, “It’s none of my business what other people think about me.”

Wow. That is a mind blower. Of course it’s none of my business.

It’s literally a waste of my mental energy to worry about what others are thinking about me.

I mean beyond the normal societal interaction stuff. I’m not going to start littering because I don’t care what others think about me. This is more aimed at the overthinkers. The people, like myself, that could stay up all night worrying about an interaction they had earlier that day that went pear-shaped and how that person probably hates them now. Meanwhile that person is sound asleep and doesn’t even remember my name or the interaction that I’m losing sleep over.

That’s where this mindset of it being none of my business is the most impactful. It’s not helpful. And it’s honestly not how I want to spend my time. If I think about my time as a precious resource, which it is, I don’t want to waste it on the lady behind me in the line at the cash register who may or may not have seen me itch my butt. Who cares? If she did, then she saw a human itching an itch. If she didn’t, then she didn’t. Either way I’m wasting my time.

I have never itched my butt in public by the way. That was just an example someone else might have done at some point.

The other thing I try to remember is how much I think about myself. I assume then that others are spending a lot of time thinking about themselves. Which means they aren’t noticing the thousands of random people they are passing by in a single day. So when I worry about whether the shade of my green shoes clashes with the shade of my green shirt. I’m probably the only person on the planet thinking about it. The other people I’m passing are at best just noticing that I’m wearing green and at worst and most likely they aren’t even aware that I’m there.

So who gives a shit. Get out there and get weird. Life is too short to give a shit what others think about me.

How to hard boil eggs

Put eggs in a sauce pan.

Fill with water until there is at least an inch of water above the eggs.

Add a tablespoon of salt.

Bring to a boil.

Cover pan. Turn off heat.

Set timer for 10 minutes.

After 10 minutes drain out water and rinse with very cold water until eggs are cool to the touch.

Store in refrigerator until ready to eat.

Peel eggs and put a dollop of sriracha on each bite!

how to reconcile your challenging upbringing with your present self-esteem

LOL.

I think I could have been raised with more ease. It didn’t have to be so hard. It didn’t have to be so physically painful. But it was.

So where does that leave me now?

If I’m going to like my present self. If I’m going to have any self-esteem, let alone positive self-esteem. If I’m going to have any confidence. I need to like myself. And doesn’t that mean appreciating how I got here? How I got to be myself?

Do I thank my shitty parents for how I got here?

No.

Do I think about it in terms of loving myself despite how I got here?

Is it possible to hate my upbringing and love who I am today?

I don’t fucking know.

I like myself. I do. Most of the time. Not always. I am moody. I am on antidepressants. Sometimes it’s really fucking hard getting out of bed. Sometimes I want to hide from everyone, including my wife and kids. Sometimes I feel fucking awesome. I am an alcoholic. I have been sober for 5 years. I regularly attend meetings. I work out by running a lot. I read a lot of books. I go rock climbing with my kids. I take them for ice cream. We watch movies together. I go hunting for deer with a bow and a rifle in the fall. I also like shooting at ducks and snowshoe hares. I play Dungeons and Dragons with friends. I sometimes wear suits and go hang out at a fancy mall with my friend. I like trying all the chicken wings in the city. My kids like me and I like them. My wife likes me and I like her.

I just fucking hate how hard it had to be to get to this point. It didn’t have to be so hard. But would that mean I wouldn’t be who I am today? Would I have liked myself more, sooner?

I have no fucking idea. I will never know I guess.

All I can do is point forward. Move ahead.

Find gratitude for the fact that I figured it out now and not ever at all.

I can be thankful I am in a great spot now. I can let go of resentments for my parents……slowly……over time.

Progress not perfection.

I can be thankful that I can find some utility for others now in myself that wasn’t possible before.

So I guess there is no answer to the question. Two things can be true at the same time. I get to decide how much I let the past either weigh me down or inform future actions and decisions.

I just wish it didn’t have to be so hard to get here.

How to get rid of hiccups

It’s your lucky day! You get to eat straight peanut butter. Grab yourself a spoon and go to town on the peanut butter. Seriously. Nothing for me cures hiccups like a couple spoonfuls of peanut butter. Chunky peanut butter of course. Let’s not get into a creamy vs. chunky debate. It’s not even a contest as chunky wins hands down.

If you are allergic to peanuts, try chugging water.

how to get through something hard

Breathe.

Think of how long it’s going to last. Realize that you can handle it for that long.

Think of the worst thing that could happen and realize that that probably won’t happen.

Breathe

Drink some water

Pace around. Go for a walk. Burn off some energy and get tired. The more tired you are the less likely you are to feel anxious.

Prepare. Do what you can to get ready. Take notes. Make phone calls and ask questions.

Breathe deeply.

Prepare some more? Is there any angle you haven’t thought of that you should think about?

Ask someone who has been through something similar how it went for them, ask them what they wish they would have known.

Plan something really enjoyable for after the hard thing. That way you have a light at the end of the tunnel to look forward to.

Breathe again.

Realize that you are much stronger than you think you are.

Realize that you have already gone through so much.

You’ve done hard shit before and come through it just fine.

You will crush this hard thing and come through it stronger and still alive.

Good luck, you’ll be fine. Everything will be okay.

how to keep a blog going even on the weekend

Write extra on Friday and schedule it to come out on the weekend.

You would have no idea what day I’m writing this right now if I hadn’t told you that.

Imagine the shenanigans I could get away with. I’m speaking into the future, from the past.

ooooooohhhhhhh

Craaaaazy

What if inbetween writing this and it getting published, something crazy happened?

What are the odds that aliens invade the planet? What are the odds that what I’m writing in this moment has absolutely no context or relevancy because of what happened in between this moment and when it gets published?

I’d have to say something really controversial to increase those odds right?

Like, aliens suck.

Then they invade the planet. It turns out the aliens are super sensitive and they seek out anyone who spoke ill of them. But only after they invaded. Anyone who was cool to them when they first got here is fine. But this post was scheduled for a future date. I forget about it. I try to be cool to the aliens and they at first like me and just as a last check they scrub my internet history and stumble on this post, right before they were going to let me live. Now they have to kill me. If only I wouldn’t have used such inflammatory language. It’s too bad I couldn’t have just kept my controversial opinion to myself. I really went out on a limb and it backfired spectacularly.

how to look at the clouds

Stop.

Chill out.

Sit down.

Lean back.

Tilt your head up.

Make sure you are still stopping. It’s important, very important in this moment to keep still.

Look at a cloud. Notice it’s moving. I love that part when the clouds move. It means I’m still. It means I’m calm. It feels like I’m in the moment. It feels like I’m present.

I know I’m not looking at clouds when I glance up and my eyes scan the sky and I don’t notice.

I’m not really looking at clouds in those moments. I’m just looking at the weather. Looking for rain clouds or sunshine, thinking ahead. I’m thinking about what it’s going to be like later. In the future.

When I’m in the moment. I’m still and I notice that the clouds are moving. Then I think about the wind and where it’s going and where it’s coming from. And that tries to pull me out of the present.

So I keep, keeping still.

Keep noticing the clouds moving. They swirl. They expand. They drift. They block the sun and it gets darker. Then they pass and it gets brighter again.

I can feel my heart rate decreasing when I look at the clouds and notice movement.

how to scratch your head surreptitiously when you are out and about

I like my head getting scratched. I’d prefer not to do it myself, but finding opportunities for others to scratch my head for me is very very rare. Like it never happens. Ever.

So I could scratch my head like some kind of philistine or I could find an alternative method.

First things, first, find a sidewalk with overhanging trees.

Then locate some nice pine trees with poky needles!

You can see where this is going.

Walk under the pine tree and “forget” to duck your head and enjoy. Oh boy, what a feeling.
It’s especially helpful if you have really short hair and the tree isn’t full of sap.