how to shop at Trader Joes on Sunday in the afternoon

Don’t.

Unless you have to.

If you have to. Take all the deep breaths.

Clear your calendar for the rest of the day. In fact plan something fun as a reward for getting through.

Slowly get into the line that has already formed outside the parking lot.

Wonder for the 1,000th time about the size of the parking lot relative to the demand for the store. Did they sit around in a board room and talk about how to make the lot small to increase the demand for the store? Remember that this has already been covered somewhere else. Remember again that you have explicitly avoided looking up the answer to this question, because it’s more enjoyable to stay in a righteous ignorant phase.

All this passes through my mind as I wait in line to just get into the parking lot. There isn’t a guarantee that there will be a spot available for me if I even make it into the lot.

(Another thing that helps is to not be the driver for this errand. I was lucky enough to just go along for the ride on the last late afternoon shopping trip to Trader Joes on a Sunday. This is probably how I was able to adopt a carefree attitude.)

Before entering the lot briefly think about parking in the free ramp a block away. Raise the suggestion to the car, when no one responds realize that no one wants to walk an extra block with a cart full of groceries.

When finally entering the lot, take 700 more deep breaths. You’re not there yet baby. Now it’s time to jockey for a parking spot. Take your time. Now is not the time to ding another car or rear end someone.

Slow down and make sure the spot is emptying.

Finally park, somehow, some way.

Now just remember that the worst is probably over.

Grab a cart and take five more deep breaths. Hope the items on your list are in stock and haven’t been scavenged completely yet.

Realize that the store is not that busy. Life isn’t so bad. They do have my favorite apples. Plenty of salad bag kits in stock. Even the frozen fruit has recently been restocked. There is plenty of frozen spinach. You’re on easy street now.

Once you check out and leave the store you get to make someone else’s day by vacating a parking spot for them. Someone else’s long nightmare is coming to end as soon as you get your car out of the spot for them.