How to survive a road trip with a friend you haven’t spent a lot of time with so you aren’t sure if they are going to drive you nuts

Talk ahead of time. Establish a bathroom plan. Figure out if they are the type of person who needs to pee every 20 minutes. If they are, consider flying. Are they willing to drive straight through and never stop? If so then you’d better get some wide mouthed bottles and get real comfortable peeing next to each other. This is why it’s good to travel with people approximately your same age. That way you don’t have to be like, yeah I have to pee, I’m old, just you wait until you get to my age and then you’ll understand. No one likes to be on either side of that conversation.

What kind of music do they like? Do they drive in silence? Do they like podcasts? Do they only listen to musicals? Are they okay if you take control of the aux cord? Or do they demand complete control over the media situation?

Are they the type of person who only stops at rest stops? Or do they only stop at places that are on the right side of the road that allow immediate access back to the freeway? Do they like to stop at every notable geographic and historical marker? Do they insist on taking the scenic route whenever possible.

Ask all these questions and more. Unless you are the type of person who can roll with anything, you’ll want to know these things so you can set your expectations appropriately.

Also have an escape plan. Where does the Amtrak stop in case they drive you nuts in the middle of Ohio and you need to bail and take the train the rest of the way.

Are you driving straight through the night? Or will you stop and get a hotel if things get dicey? Will your co-driver admit when things get dicey? Or will they be literally falling asleep at the wheel and get mad when you point it out?

Maybe you want to find out a couple really damning things about this person. Some really sensitive areas that you can prod if you need a couple hours of silence. Even if it’s strained dramatic silence. Sometimes silence in any form is better than inane chatter.

Make sure you prepare some conversation topics. Maybe listen to a podcast about shipwrecks and be ready to pause and discuss. Also good to find out if they are the type of person to pause a podcast for conversation or if they will just talk right over the podcast. Is the podcast the main attraction or just background noise. If it’s just background noise make sure you don’t pick anything you actually want to listen to.

Download things ahead of time. Just because your cell phone carrier’s commercials show the whole nation covered in pink, doesn’t mean you will get service everywhere.

Get a feel for their politics. You’ll be in some rural areas and you’re going to see some pro-choice and Jesus saves billboards. Best to get a sense for how that will be received before you get locked into a conversation about accepting their lord in christ in your heart while you are literally trapped in a speeding car with them.

Which brings up what kind of driver are they? Are they going to be maniacally passing everyone they can, like they are auditioning for the next Fast and the Furious movie? Or will they pin the cruise control at 55 and park themselves in the left lane and get honked and flicked off for hours? This can greatly affect how long or short your trip will take. Are they even going to let you drive? Maybe that’s not a bad thing if they drive the whole time. Get some reading done. Are they going to be cool with you reading or will they demand you entertain them and that’s your job as passenger?

Be prepared to learn a lot about your co-traveler. It would be weird if you didn’t get into some heavy shit while traveling. Do you want to know about what their wife’s childhood was like? Yeah? Good. I mean I do, but I don’t have boundaries so I’m all for learning everything about everyone to the point of co-dependency.

Use the trip as an excuse to ditch your diet. Buy all the candy and the beef jerky and the chips. Hell buy and eat a whole box of Lucky Charms. Why the hell not. Just don’t drink a lot of liquid, eat instead. Get some wet wipes in case they are a neat freak or maybe you’re a neat freak and you don’t like cheeto dust on your hands. Do they like cheeto dust on their hands, because they are touching the steering wheel with those cheeto dusty hands and soon you will be too at the next driver change. Gross.

You should probably talk about number twos. When do they poop? When do you? How many times? This is a fun time to give a plug for psyllium husks. Honestly, psyllium husks in my smoothies have drastically reduced the amount of number twos I take. Nothing slows you down like several poops. Especially unscheduled and urgent bathroom trips. I like to avoid eating anything spicy leading up to a road trip. I don’t want to be the guy who has to stop 8 times because my gut is churning. But maybe you do, live dangerously, why not. Just be prepared for passive aggressive shaming.

I guess it all comes down to communication and managing expectations. I can literally survive anything if I have my expectations set appropriately. And I will literally be tortured if my expectations are set inappropriately.

Get out there, see the world. Just maybe wait for gas prices to come down. Or fly, really flying is easier and you get there much fast and you don’t waste whole days driving through rural Indiana and Ohio.

Either way just remember, it’s not the destination its the friends you make along the way!!!!!!!!