how to not mow your lawn aka how to not keep up with the joneses

Just stop mowing your lawn.

The best time to do this is in May, because there is already an established “No Mow May” campaign.

Get a yard sign stating you are participating in No Mow May.

Feel environmentally smug after putting up your yard sign.

Get hyped as the grass grows. Pay special attention to the borders of your grass and your neighbor’s mowed grass (assuming they don’t participate) this is where you’ll literally measure your joy.

Realize and keep track of all the time you have now saved not mowing your lawn.

It’s more than time. It’s saved water from not watering your lawn. It’s saved money from not buying gas for your mower.

Adding up all that time for an entire season equals at least one more book that could be read. One more season of a television show that could be watched. One more entire season of your favorite sports team that you could be watching if you weren’t outside trying to mitigate your shame and keep up with the Joneses.

Fuck the Joneses. Who died and made them king and queen? Why should I care what they think about my yard. I’ve never met them. I don’t know what’s going on in their head. Maybe they are spending so much time worrying about their own yard they haven’t even noticed mine?

It’s none of my business what other people think about me.

I have enough shame flying at me in all directions from society. If I can eliminate one of those by not caring about my lawn, why not? It’s never going to look like the 18th hole of Augusta. And why would I want it to?

I think my yard should represent native species. If a plant needs my extra help to survive in my yard. It’s not meant to be. I want native hardy resilient plants.

Life is too short and there are too many books to read.