how to meditate

I don’t know. I never fucking do it.

I’ve been told forever that I should do it. That it really helps. Sets a great intention. Resets your brain.

I know all of that. I’ve heard all of that. I’ve heard it from people I trust.

I still don’t fucking do it.

I have the apps. Even one of that costs money.

I have something where I’m always semi self-sabotaging myself. I can’t just let things be good and stay good.

I used to chew on the inside of my cheek.

Now I have 3 spots on my scalp that I pick at incessantly. Whenever I have a private moment. It’s especially bad at night. I’m literally sabotaging my body.

Would meditation cure that? I suppose I should try or stop complaining about it.

I think that I constantly feel like the universe is going to screw me over and that I have no control over that. SO I try to screw myself over as if that will stop the universe from doing so. And in that way I can pretend like I actually have control.

If anyone is going to screw me over, it’s going to be me that does it.

So why meditate?

It’s not that I don’t do anything that helps me.

I eat well. I exercise. I get 7-8 hours of sleep. I stretch. I read. I have friends that I call and hang out with.

But it’s like there always has to be something to rebel against. Something to push back on. I need to create an environment where my back is against the wall and I’m building the wall…..

So I guess it’s not meditation’s fault. I just need to have something that I’m currently NOT doing. That I could do, but I’m choosing not to.

It all comes back to control probably.

So if you want to learn how to meditate, just do it. Don’t think about it.

“Over thinking, over analyzing, separates the body from the mind”